Teens and sex.....help!!!!?

my 15 year old son has his first girlfriend. they seem inseperable. i am fairly certain they are sexually active. i allow them to hang out in my home so i can keep an eye on them while still giving them some privacy. she is also 15. i have found condoms in his room while (dresser)while putting laundry away. i'm just not sure what to do...we are very close and have talked about safe sex many times. he has "hinted" that they do have sex but never actually came out and said for sure. it just scares me.he is her first boyfriend so i am more scared about pregnancy than disease at this time. any advise from those of you who are teens or who have raised teen boys??? he is really a good kid and i know this is normal part of growing up but i still could use some advice.


thank you sooo much!!!

Teens and sex.....help!!!!?
Flat out talk to him. Tell him you aren't mad, but you do want to know if its going on. If you are ok with him having sex, tell him to come to you if he needs condoms because you'ld rather pay for them than take the chance on a grandbaby. It would be good if she was on birth control too (double protection) but she's not your kid. You might even go as far as to tell him that if the condom breaks and she wants plan B, you'll get it for them. I hate the idea of a kid being medicated by a non-parent, but this does effect all of your lives.
Reply:well it seems that you have encountered a serious problem in your household, and because you are the mother, you have a right to express your sex opinions to your son. If he is making love in the warmth of your household (ew) then you should be able to know about it. You bought the house, you own the house, you pay for the bills, and more importantly you made the boy from your own egg and your husband. So go for it and talk to him! tell him your true feelings over a bologna sandwich and chilled iced tea!





GOOD LUCK
Reply:If you are uncomfortable with talking to him about it face to face right away, you could buy him a box of condoms to put in his drawer with a letter stating that you love him and that you will be there for him and for him to be safe and that if anything happens or if he has any questions at all, he can come to you. You could write his girlfriend a letter too. A week later you can confront him and ask him if he is having sex or not for sure and if his girlfriend has birth control. Just make sure to tell him you love him and that you aren't mad and he will tell you the truth if you have the relationship that you say you have.
Reply:just talk to them 2 gether and make sure there using it .. cause im sure u dont wanna be a grandmother anytime soon
Reply:I started going out with my boyfriend when i was 14, and he was 15. I'm now 15 and he is 16. He is in my year. We are pratically the same age. I had been with my boyfriend for about 4 months when we first decided we were ready. Just like your son, neither of us have had past partners. I wasn't even that interested in sex before i met him. Just like your son seems to be, he is a prerfectly good boy. We have both been brought up well, both pretty smart at school, and both have good intentions for the future. Just because we decided to have sex at a young age, doesn't make us bad people. So many of my friends have lost their virginity as a result of too much drink, pressurisng boys, etc. And a few people in my school started having sex when they were as young as 13. Lots have changed these days. It wasn't the same when you was this age. But if your son has decided to wait till he is in a relationship, this is good news right? Cos i am constantly around boys his age. And every single one of them is either having sex, or wants it. The fact that he is using condoms and has at least tried talkin to you shows how responsible he is. Anyways, don't give him a hard time over this. He is doing the right thing. And I've been there. If my mother wasn't supportive, it would have made things worse for me. It may be hard for you to accept. But there is nothing else you can do. I don't think you would want to stop them. It would make them want to rebel. Just let it happen, speak to her father, maybe, get her on the pill. And make sure your son has condoms. I'm sorry if this wasn't much help. But it's the truth.
Reply:You seem to be acceptable to him having sex - I must say, that to me is good parenting. A mother who won't suffocate her son but still implies rules. I would sit him down and talk. Ask him, flat out, "Are you having sex?" and then discuss his options from his answer. E.g. if he is, tell him your worry for her pregnancy and STIs etc. If he isn't and he had them just in case, explain he's growing up and you've accepted it but you want him to be careful when the time comes and you want him to tell you. Good luck =]
Reply:i think its good that you are close so maybe you should come straight out and ask him but let him know he is not in trouble or he might freeze up. if he tells you they r sexually active just remind him how important safe sex is and that if he isnt safe what could happen, let him know he should carry a condom with him at all times cause anything can happen, its good that you let them have there space but let him know that you dont condoll it or he will think that he can have the run of the house when it comes to sex
Reply:Well if they use condoms at least you know theres less of a chance of a babyy
Reply:As an teenage boy myself, i know that as long as im using a condom, then thats fine.





and im sure that you feel relieved that he is having safe sex.





if they are inseperable then it appears me to like teenage love :-) and im sure he won't do anything silly if he cares about her,which im sure he does.





if you have talked to him about it before then thats all that you need to do, because at least his aware of the consequences of not having safe sex.





so your doing a good job. my mum never taught me, she proberly doesnt even know what i get up to but i still love her:)
Reply:so nurse mo think back to what the boys were like when you were 15 there you go I WOULD TALK TO HIM but go steady about it they close up easy these days
Reply:I would talk to him, make sure he knows what the rules are now that he's getting older, and don't be afraid to come right out and ask him if he's having sex with her or not, you have a right to know as his mother!





communicate to him your feelings about this, and he'll most likely open up and share his feelings with you.





Also, I would talk to his girlfriend's parents about it, too, as they may be in the same situation. Make sure they know what's going on and get a feel for the guidelines they have set for her.





God bless,


Sparrow
Reply:All part of the modern way of growing up. Copying what their peers do. It may seem like this is after the 'horse has bolted' but at least he is (presumably) using condoms thus avoiding unwanted pregnancies. Not a lot of comfort, I know, to a worrying parent.
Reply:Talk about it. Not only the bad negative things about sex, but the good things. What it is SUPPOSED to be about.





My mom (single parent) talked to me openly about it all. I felt very comfortable asking her questions regarding sex. She was always very upfront and didn't patronize me. Use more of a health/scientific approach when explaining anything.





Make condoms available - better that he use them from this point on that get something or get someone pregnant.





I believed my mom when she told my brother and I that she would not be raising her potential grandchildren - that if we "got some little girl pregnant" that "childhood was over" and "it would be time to become a man" and "support that child" - meaning full time job plus school if we wanted to get ahead PLUS BEING A DAD. Needless to say, my brother and I never got anyone pregnant during that time (we are both now married with good jobs, he is having his first, my wife and I are awaiting our third).





If I may ask, is his dad around???





If not, know that you are the MOST important person in his life whether he tells you or not.





Best of luck to you.
Reply:Well I have 2 boys and a baby girl on the way, none of my kids are teens yet but I can let you know what I plan on doing when I suspect this is happening in my home. Of course it may change when it actually happens.





With my boys, dad and I plan on talking to them about sex and will tell them that it is good to save themselves for marriage, but as we all know that happens very little. When we do suspect it is happening we will sit down with the boys and ask them if they are, if they say that they are then we will make sure that this is the right time for them and make sure that they know all the consequences of their actions. Once that is understood we will let him know that we are not going to try to stop him from having sex because it is human nature but that we want to make sure that he is doing it safe, therefor if he needs any help in getting protection so that he doesn't become a daddy too soon, or end up with an STD to let us know so that we can get it for him and if he doesn't know how to use them correctly out the old banana will come. The only reason that we are willing to buy him condoms is because, they are going to do it regardless of the talks that we have if they want to and if we don't let him know that it is ok then he will try to hide it from us and do it behind our backs ( meaning not carefully and in unsafe places) and we would much rather have our son safe than sorry.





Now with my daughter, she won't be allowed out of the house until she is 25. No, I'm just kidding we haven't thought about that talk with her yet since she is still baking.





Good luck and I think that as long as your communication lines stay open and honest then you should be safe when it comes to this or any other issue with your son. If you try to tell him not to do it or that it's some bad terrible thing than he is going to feel like he has to sneak around to try it out and learn on his own.
Reply:I have a similar problem with my 17 year old daughter, i just found out in a whole different way, I had to set a restriction order so the guy couldn't approach my girl at least until she turns 18, hope you don't have to go that far; I think 15 is too young to be having sex even with condoms, if your boy commits a little mistake he will become a dad.





Have no doubts, if he's got a girl and he's got the condoms and he has the place then it is pretty obvious that he's doing it with her.





I would advice that you have a civilized chat with both of them and let them know that you don't approve what they are doing, they don't have to like it, they're still underage and they can't do what they like, if they refuse to stop you will have to speak with the girls parents or tutors, good luck.
Reply:if ur sure that he uses a condom then why to worry...


just ask her girlfriend to use safe sex techniques..


don't worry ma'am..
Reply:Well, I have teen girls and believe me, I have my hands full!!!


I don't allow them any privacy because they think that you are giving permission for them to do things they couldn't do with others in the room..It is one of the scariest things that we parents have to confront. It's best to teach him that sex is normal but for older people who can handle all the things that come along with it..My teenage step-son had a girlfriend back in the summer and she was not one that I approved of, but was as good as she knew how to be around me. His dad gave him condoms and they were having sex every morning before school in an old van right in the driveway!!! A neighbor has cameras set up and told me what she saw one morning!!! Then, this girl went around telling everyone that they were getting married and that she was pregnant! If they don't have sex at all, then the girl don't get pregnant-at least by your son...He is turning into a man, but the thing is, he is not yet a man! When they start having sex, all those grown up things follow. Being close to ones child (young adult) really helps because they will tell you more than their friends tell their parents...It's totally up to you, how you handle this situation and it's hard for me to recommend anything...I'd like to tell you, please don't let him have sex. But the thing is, they do stuff that we don't know about and we can't stop something when we aren't aware when it's going on...I hope someone has a good answer for you, if they do, let me know what it is...I'd like to apply it here at my home; with your permission?...
Reply:if you and your son have a cool relationship, just be cool about the fact that he's having sex. If you wanna talk about it bring it up calmly, like while your eating dinner, or watching tv together. Say something like "soo, you're having sex right? That's okay, just be careful..." and carry on whatever you were doing. Teenagers especially can get embarrassed around their parents, so try not to make it a conversation, or a big advice thing, just show him you're cool with it, and he will know then he can talk to you if he needs to.





And now and again, put some more condoms in his draw so he has plenty. It's silly to be embarrassed about something that is needed to keep the planet going!





Okay, I just came back and read all the other answers. Oh my god, have you all forgotten what it's like to be a teenager? Get a grip remolds! If he want sex, he's gonna do it. I remember quite clearly being a teenager and the overwhelming feelings that you have, so seriously get a grip. All these "rules" you think you are setting down, believe m, most of the kids are going behind your backs and doing what they want. Get of your high horses and just accept that kids want to have sex, and help them make the best choices they can.





Contrary to popular belief, not all teenagers have the mental age of 5 which some of you here seem to think that they do.
Reply:First, I really feel for you. this is such a tricky and touchy situation.





At 15 they don't need to be having sex, but obviously, you already know that. I think that letting them hang out in your house with some privacy but you being around was a great idea. It's wonderful that you 2 have a good open line of communication.





I really think you only have a couple options,


1) Let it go on, ride it out and hope for the best -- deal with a pregnancy when or if it comes.


2) Say this is my house and You CANNOT be alone in the bedroom.


3) Set them both down and talk to them about what you are worried about, maybe the girl needs to open up to someone too and you may be that person.





15 is such a hard age. I wish you lots of luck and will be thinking of you.