Why do teens feel like they have a "right" to privacy?

Disclaimer: I'm 16, not some creepy old lady.





My question is this? Why do teens feel like they have a right to privacy? You know, while they text about having sex with their boyfriends and getting abortions behind their parents' backs? It happens, I'm not even exaggerating.





Let's look at the facts: the parents pay for internet, computers, cell phones, phone plans, and the house (for the vast majority, so it is a fair generalization). Why do teens then think that they deserve to use the parents' money to do whatever they want? The parents have a right to know how their money is being spent, and if their child is in danger. Sorry, your friends are part of their lives too. Sorry, they have a duty and right to know if you're having sex with someone because it affects your physical and mental health. Sorry, they have a right to check your internet history and text messaging to make sure that their money is not being abused.





Why do teens think that all of that is wrong? Thoughts on this?

Why do teens feel like they have a "right" to privacy?
Everyone wants to feel respected, and teenagers especially feel this need because of all of the changes going on in their bodies and minds. Obviously, parents need to know certain things to do their jobs as parents, but they should also respect their children's privacy to a certain degree. If it's not going to hurt the child, you don't need to know. Trust and respect is a two-way street.





As far as the abortion issue, I agree that in most cases, parents should know, but some children live in situations where waiting for a parent to approve will do more harm than good.
Reply:I would say teens think they have a right to privacy because they feel like theyre growing up and need to feel independant. Like going to movies with friends and not their parents like they did in elementary school. They hide the fact that theyre having sex and internet history and all that junk, because they still want to look like "daddys little girl","moms special little man" in their parents eyes. I know i hide all the crazy things i look up on the internet because i dont want them to think "thats not my child" Becuase if they find out all the real things, they wont love me anymore. And i doubt thats something they want.
Reply:maybe you need to live the life of the teen you are, because you sound like your 47.
Reply:wow...u r very thoughtful for just being "16". I agree with u. My parents are everything to me and i think they have a right to know what i do.
Reply:I believe that teenagers should be afforded a certain level of respect for their privacy. There are things that a parent is entitled to know about their child so they're able to keep their child safe and healthy, but maybe if their child is keeping them out of the loop, instead of spying on their kid... develop a real relationship and maybe their kid won't be so afraid to talk to their parent.





If their kid is having sex and having abortions behind their back, perhaps they should have had "the talk". If they had taught their kid to respect themselves in the first place, 15 year olds wouldn't be having abortions. Technology has become the babysitter this day in age (and that's undeniable because you've listed internet, computers, cell phones etc) so by paying for these things to keep their kids occupied, they've eliminated time with their kids that could be valuable to a teenagers own self worth. there's always going to be a "black sheep" that turns out wrong no matter what the parents do, but look at the 50's and look at today.... enough said...





In shorts: some parents did this to themselves and instead of worrying about invading their privacy now, worry about bringing them up the right way so you don't have to spy on them to make sure they're ok.
Reply:everyone deserves privacy
Reply:My guess is that their parents have spoiled them up to this point. You also have to keep in mind that adolescence is a time to break away from the parental unit, it some degree it has to do with this attempt to become adults.
Reply:Young people have the right to a certain level of privacy but I think they have these entitlement issues because parents aren't comfortable taking authority. So I agree with the basic idea that you're talking about.





However, I think on some level parents/adults need to remember what its like to be young. No matter how controlling adults can be, young people have the capacity to make their own decisions at certain times -- good or bad, right or wrong. At a certain level there has to be a balance between parental control and empowering young people. BOTH are important.
Reply:I'm 59 and I remember being 16 %26amp; there was no privacy in my house %26amp; I hated it. Whenever I complained, my Dad would go into this litany about, "As long as you are living in my house yada yada yada..."


So one day when he was on his soap box, I asked "So, when can I move out?"


"Anytime, you feel froggy."


I was 18 at the time %26amp; it was wonderful. I called friends who lived on the West Coast %26amp; hitch-hiked there. It was the 1st time in my life there was actual privacy. I had more privacy living out there with six other people than I had, when I lived at home.


My sister said that Dad was furious.


I loved it.


So, yes, I think ALL teenagers have a right to privacy. I have 5 children %26amp; I always insisted that they indeed had the right of privacy.


These teenagers are your children, they are not possessions. Everyone has a right to privacy, no matter, who they are!!!
Reply:Because teens need to learn independence. They need some guidance but need to learn to make choices. That way when they are 18 and out of their parents hair they wont go crazy, having babies, doing drugs, drinking heavily etc. Also so they know how to balance a schedule of going out with friends, work, school etc. They need to learn to say no without mom and dad saying it for them. If that takes getting caught by the cops, its going to teach them a lot more than mom and dad stopping it before it happens. I'm also a teen and I have been in child development classes and work at a child care center. So many young adults go crazy when mom and dad aren't making choices for them anymore. Those are my thoughs =)
Reply:Everyone has a right to privacy - even you!





The problem with the teen/parent relationship is this - teens are devious by nature - they are at an age where they think they are old enough and mature enough to make important decisions - but truth be told teens are not even close to that age or maturity level untill about 25-28 years old..that is not to say some teens or young adults are not mature and responsible..but 90% of teens and young adults are not mature enough for the decisions they are making.





That being said they still have a right to privacy, it is up to the parents to decide how much privacy there child gets - the less a parent is involved - the more trouble there child potentially can get into...





But to assume no teen deserves privacy is to take away even things as simple as the privacy to get dressed behind closed doors..how would you feel about having to get naked and dressed in front of your mother or your father? ...it is the same feeling people get when they discover mom and dad read there diary, or went through there room, book bag ect.





I think parents need to set some boundaries..i think diaries are off limits, i think going through your kids room is off limits, but track there banking online, pay attention to there online activities, put a gps on the car, call the friends parents that she is suppose to be at to make sure she is there...be active but don't be to over bearing - find a happy medium that allows your child some privacy and security but don't expect them to run around freestyle and stay out of trouble!





Also make sure you tell your child the limits you have set - they have a right to know that you are trusting them but checking on them..its a trust parent thing too. Teens don't trust parents either...but by being honest with them, you are opening the door to them being honest with you.








Hope this helps you understand that privacy is more personal than a cell phone or a text message...
Reply:I agree. As a parent, I am constantly worried about my kids and how their world will change as they get older. I want them to be safe, and I want to teach them to make good choices. ANd I remember how powerful and immortal I felt when I was a teenager- now that I am an adult, I can see just how vulnerable teens are. And I want to protect my kids as long as I can.





If I do it right, then by the time they are 16, 17, 18 years old, I can start letting go bit by bit until they can go off and make their own life.





But until then, their life IS my life. And you are right- they have no technical rights until they earn them.





Stay safe, friend! Your parents are lucky to have such an understanding and obedient kid!
Reply:who cares?





my mom wont come within two feet of my comp!!!





if im talking to a pedophile soo be it





she will never know about me having sex





plain and simple i value my privacy!!!
Reply:I do agree, HOWEVER, our parents have a right to their privacy, correct? They don't tell us everything. So, we think we deserve ours too, we teens, usually wouldn't barge in and demand to read texts, emails, ect. so why should parents, their money or not.
Reply:becuae they think there parents dnt understand them... and so they wanna live in there own world ....
Reply:You sound like a very responsably young man.





Most teens hide things they shouldnt be doing anyways.





Having sex.. teens are really not ready for it physically or emotionally. Teens still have a poor sence of judgement.. why do you think there are so many teens with STD's? What if you get pregnant? It certainly is your parents buisiness then.. because most teens cannot afford to take care of a baby!





Smoking/drinking.. ok, legally, you're not even old enough. Besides, its just not worth it. It may seem "cool" to smoke and drink.. but in the long run, it always causes more problems. I know many smokers who started as teens, and are trying to break the habit.. they are having a difficult time quitting. Its expensive, and causes so many health problems. Drinking can cause problems on its own.. you loose inhibitions and do things you regret later.. car accidents, death by alchohol poisoning, etc.





drugs, are illegal. They cause nothing but problems. I have a friend who ended up in a coma from drug overdose.. he is not a teen, but he was in his early 20's.. Im sure he started doing drugs at a young age. You could end up with a drug record at a young age, which can screw you over for college and jobs in the future. If you dont get busted, then you become an addict, and still screw up your adult life.





Sneaking off.. this is just not a safe world. You should not leave home without telling someone where you are going, and when to expect you back. What if something happens to you and you dont make it home? Your parents wouldnt know you were missing until morning/afternoon when you ussually get up.





I also have to agree with the asker.. the parents pay for the cells, internet, etc.. they have the right to decide how its to be used.
Reply:I agree with you. A lot of teens hide stuff away from me because they think I'm gonna get them in trouble.
Reply:To be only 16, you're pretty wise on this subject and I commend you for your maturity on understanding how it works. I think kids/teens today are different than we were and generations before us. Nowadays many kids have little to no respect for their parents, teachers, the elderly...They are alot more belligerent and mouthy than we could've EVER gotten away with (Those Cingular commercials with the parents talking to the kids, saying stuff like "I raised you to be this way!..." is a perfect example (although a joke) of the decline of both parenting AND children showing respect)...So naturally, children nowadays don't appreciate the sacrifices their parents make to give them privileges (which we've been conditioned to see as needs) such as cell phones, computers, i-pods, sleep overs, etc...I jokingly blame it on all the MSG's in foods today, but I really think it's a lack of parenting which started from parents letting television sets raise their children...and snowballed into the nonchalant and brazen attitudes of many youth today. But you sound like your parents did a pretty good job with you. Ya got a good head on your shoulders and you'll probably go far in life.
Reply:i dont think all of that is wrong, but i do believe that everyone is entitled to some privacy... if they abuse it, it will hurt them in the long run. learning from your own mistakes is the hardest thing for a parent to let a child do, but its the best, for.. the child will remember it longer.


and also, if the parents raised their children right (or the child is sane....) , they should not need to check everything to see what is going on... unless there is a lack of trust. if i have a problem, i tell my parents. and for that reason, they dont snoop around my stuff.
Reply:yes they do have d right like any other person on this earth


just cuz they are teens it doesn't mean that they don't have their rights


after all every1 needs his/her own space


otherwise it feels so suffocating n sick
Reply:aren't you a teen yourself
Reply:Teens should have privacy as long as they don't act like idiots and talk about the things you mentioned. I'm 13, and I'd never do that kind of thing. When my parents buy me something I often offer to pay them back, I told them I don't want a cellphone because it would be pointless for me, and I think I'm too young to date, etc. So really they don't have much to worry about when it comes to me for things like that. Everyone deserves privacy though, but how much you're given depends on what you'd do if you were given complete privacy. I know lot's of people who wouldn't do anything innapropriate though.
Reply:you're spoiled, aren't you?





and have quite a lot of generalizations. not every teenager is like that. Parents have to trust their children to make the right decisions. What if they never had a moment of privacy and then the day the turned 18, their parents let them go?





You've never experienced these people's situations. Every one is different. ... well i'm hoping you've never had to worry about getting an abortion ;)





and I'm 17.








my gosh, you're question has got me worked up. [i'm on my third edit]





you are assuming that the parent is just like your parents. Not everyone gets along with their parents. Parents quite often overreact. Joking about sex or something like that is extemely normal in now-a-day society. A lot of parents will over react.





Parents need to let kids live their lives. Sure they should have a guidance, but they should also draw a line.





They should have raised their kids where they don't feel like they should have a problem coming to them if they do go get knocked up or whatever.
Reply:. i have friends who are outraged when their parents go on their myspaces, and a myspace is published to the whole internet! it's not an invasion of privacy to look at someone's totally available personal homepage!!





anyways, off that tangent. following your reasoning, a mother who gave her daughter a diary could, several months later, read the diary filled with her daughter's private life, on the grounds that she provided the diary for the daughter. that wouldn't be right at all, but there's a difference between a diary and internet usage.





i think a parent gives their child an internet connection and a cell phone as part of letting their child go. they're allowing their children to use email and cell phones and hoping and trusting their kids not to abuse them. parents generally honor a hands-off rule, trusting their kids to do right. the sad part is that kids will abuse their parents' trust, whether their parents know it or not. kids are surrounded by sex and they don't feel comfortable talking to their parents, and they have communication tools available, so of course they talk to their friends. it's inescapable.





that being said, i believe parents have the right to read anything published to the internet, like a myspace or facebook. and they should be able to check their kid's internet history, like what sites they were on. but everything else is private communication between friends. a lot is said in text messages that isn't urgent, but isn't something a kid would want her parents to know either. sure, parents pay for it. but the internet is probably used by the parents as well, and the other family members. and money isn't the only concern. the right to privacy is true for everyone, even if it's a kindergartener telling her mother that she doesn't feel like talking about something sad that happened at school. there's a basic right to privacy. i know i'd feel violated if my parents eavesdropped when i had a sleepover with my friends, even if the sleepover was in THEIR house. there's a basic human right in there.





i think the best way for a parent to know what's going on in their kid's life isn't to read their text messages, but to talk openly and frequently with them. talk to them as you guys are doing chores and eating dinner and dropping them off somewhere.





and further questions: what if the kid paid for their own internet connection and computer? what if they had their own cell phone that they paid for and paid the bills for, and they used that to text their friends? if the parents read the text messages somehow, would it be an invasion of privacy unequal to reading text messages sent from a parent-provided phone?





i hope i helped answer your question, even if this was a meandering useless answer.
Reply:That's a good point. I agree with a lot of what you are saying and I never said anything to my parents because of that.





But the argument for not having parential notification laws with regards to abortions is that the parents could force the child to have a baby they cannot take care of. That is a big debate and I'm not saying I agree or disagree but I'm just giving you the other side of that issue.
Reply:Well there are a couple reasons. I mean, parents have the right to know about whats going on with their children. I think the hype among teens about how unfair life can be is hilarious and ridiculous.





But i mean--abortion? Honestly, I'd want to know if my kid was having sex and pregnant. But if a girl's parents are abusive, privacy is a must. A drunk and angry father might lose control and hit his daughter and even kill her.





Or reading a kid's diary is out of the question, or snooping through their room in search of drugs or something [unless they have good reason suspect something]. I think parents have to leave some room to trust their kids.





I think the big reason why most teens think their parents are invading in on their space is because they want to be individuals and independent but don't realize the luxuries their parents provide yet. Plus we're all damn moody.
Reply:bc some teens just think that they know everything and have "earned" the right to privacy even though they do things behind their backs....stupid but that's what they do....
Reply:It may not be completely fair, but teenagers are secretive people because they feel a huge emotional gap exists between themselves and their parents. And let's be honest; if you say "Hey, Mom, you know when I went to David's last night with the subway pass you bought me? We had sex," a parent probably won't react how the teen would like.





Parents who respect the privacy of their teens are more likely to get genuine respect in return. A respectful distance will probably increase communication, whereas intrusion only breeds tension and a feeling of mistrust. Everyone is entitled to privacy. Teenagers may not always make the wisest choices when left to their own devices, but they are at a point in their lives where they take responsibility for themselves.





By the way, I agree that younger teens need to have a closer eye kept on them because that's when pressure is strongest and common sense is weakest, but once they are in their later years it's time for parents to trust their parenting skills and take the backseat in their childrens' lives.





If a parent wants to know where their money is being spent, they should give allowances for specific things: text messaging, food, transportation. If a kid needs something that isn't basic, that's when they should be specific.
Reply:ok sure i agree even though i hate my parents for being nosey. but they dont share everything with us do they? not that we want to know but still. some things are meant to be private! i think parents should give there kids a rest!!! i mean its basically like parents are living there kids life. like my parents all they care about is knowing what im doing, where i am, who im talking to, stuff like that. i mean im not stupid if i was in trouble i would call them!!! i think parents should set boundries and trust there kids to follow them. if they find out they arnt then there should be consequences!!!
Reply:kiss-assing all the parents on Yahoo ain't appealing, biggs
Reply:The parents need to show the teenagers a bit of respect, I think. I'm a teenager and two years ago my parents took away my door for something little I did and still haven't replaced it. I'm forced to change clothes in my closet. One of my friends has no privacy whatsoever.





I think that your parents have a right to check your Internet history, but not your text messages. I sure as heck wouldn't like my mom knowing what guy I liked. And anyways, almost everyone I know pays their own cell phone bill.





Parents shouldn't take away your privacy unless you've done something to lose it. I've always been a good kid and I seriously think my parents should replace my door sometime soon. The parents need to teach you that you are a human being who deserves some respect, and if they don't give you respect in the first place how can they take it away as punishment when you really deserve to lose it...?





They have a right to know if you've had sex, though, I agree. But that's about it.

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